From http://www.prachatai.net/english/node/1174
Sat, 25/04/2009 - 09:11
A respected senior historian sent Prachatai a letter he wrote to his foreign friends to share his feelings after he had traveled a long way to join the red-shirted rally in Bangkok. Don’t believe the clichés that say the red-shirts are all rural poor who have been hooked by Thaksin’s populism. This academic is in no way a Thaksin admirer. His name is withheld by Prachatai to save him hassles from his sarcastic peers.
April 19, 2009
Dear …
Recently I had not been in the right frame to communicate, both in the technical and the psychological sense. Technically the university had been closed. Psychologically I had been exasperated to the point of boiling. Not a good Buddhist, am I?
Since yesterday I have been gradually able to come back to collect my thoughts and my emotions, or at least well enough to sit down and imagine your presence within my ambience.
The political turmoil made my head and heart spin like a well-thrown top. Though it was not totally unexpected, it could not be foreseen how things were going to come out. I happened to go through Bangkok on the 8th, and took the opportunity to join the protest. Partly it was due to my curiosity, but more importantly it was to add one more number to what was called for, i.e., the total number of over 300,000. At the peak it was far short of what was hoped for. Yet it was one of the biggest rallies. A fair estimation of the total number of people is not less than 100,000. The organizers said it was around 200,000, whereas the government 100,000.
Though it is not my first time to be in such a huge crowd, it is perhaps the most heart-rending event for me. It is true that I am prone to agitation. I had a hard time to keep myself calm. As someone who spent some years to gain an analytical perspective of Thai history, I was not certain at all of “the impending victory”, as believed and proclaimed by the leaders and the crowd. I thought to myself that this was wishful thinking. But as a participant in the earth-shaking event, I was carried away.
Fortunately or unfortunately I was not there when the violent confrontations took place. The army started the attack around 4 in the morning, and continued the offensive throughout the 13-14. Militarily speaking there was no way we could match their forces. Defeat was written on the wall as soon as the elites in power could agree among themselves. The stakes were too high for them to back down. Chiang Mai is a backwater of the whole trouble. The leading figures here were rounded up two days ago, as a result of the renewal of the resistance.
Well, we are beaten, all right. But for me it was absolutely worthwhile, not to say beautiful. The facts that the weak dare to put up a fight is already, in my view, something beautiful. Perhaps this attitude has something to do with my personality. I am well aware that I am weak in daily life. I prefer to give in to other people’s demands rather than to have my way. This trait in me is something I consider a shortcoming. That is perhaps why I have a tendency to worship heroes, and people whom I find possess extraordinary abilities. That is perhaps why I am attracted to radical ideas. There are plenty of them in sociology and history. Perhaps my interest in them is to make up for my sense of lack. I do not know whether it is psychoanalytically sensible, but it is something of a self-probing anyway.
Most of my friends are on the other side of the barricades. Some even phoned to mock me, e.g., “where is Che Thaksin?”, “where are the people?”, “why are you sitting at home?”, “are the red really great?”, etc.
Yes we are beaten, but we will rise up again.
Yours as always,
No comments:
Post a Comment